the mayhem in my head
concentration is so lacking this week. i know it's only monday, but still, i'm not all here. tired? maybe. not swimming? yeah, few more days till my leg permits me to swim. brain? messy.
i would love to escape for a bit. what does that solve? probably nothing. things have been a bit hard with my fam. life lately. i feel like i don't help enough, but feel anxious when i do help. like super crazy anxious. i don't know. i'm not good at the helping part either. my mom and i are still having a lot of trouble letting go of the material things that were my dad's. it's not fun. we have made a lot of progress and i know it's only been a few months, but i swear it's 3 steps fwd. and 2 back, so you're ahead, but not really as far as you thought you were. i feel terrible even writing any of this. i guess i'm just that crazy today that i'm letting it all out.
in the aftermath of week 1 of my not having rules, i'm feeling a bit.... lost. for sure. i feel like i'm not doing anything too well the last few days. a constant mess. there were things that were good about week 1, no rules. lots of funny jokes in my head. but, it is taking me a while to adjust. like being ok on saturday talking to bea while pp volunteers were in my house. they were just there eating lunch, and normally i would be checking on them to make sure they had everything they needed. i tried (sorry, i tried) to focus on talking ot bea in the hallway and let them do their thing. they'd ask if they needed me right?
other things were good too.
i knew this was not an immediate change, i guess i'm kind of being reprogrammed. it'll take a while, there's a ton of garbage in my brain to wade through.
i would love to escape for a bit. what does that solve? probably nothing. things have been a bit hard with my fam. life lately. i feel like i don't help enough, but feel anxious when i do help. like super crazy anxious. i don't know. i'm not good at the helping part either. my mom and i are still having a lot of trouble letting go of the material things that were my dad's. it's not fun. we have made a lot of progress and i know it's only been a few months, but i swear it's 3 steps fwd. and 2 back, so you're ahead, but not really as far as you thought you were. i feel terrible even writing any of this. i guess i'm just that crazy today that i'm letting it all out.
in the aftermath of week 1 of my not having rules, i'm feeling a bit.... lost. for sure. i feel like i'm not doing anything too well the last few days. a constant mess. there were things that were good about week 1, no rules. lots of funny jokes in my head. but, it is taking me a while to adjust. like being ok on saturday talking to bea while pp volunteers were in my house. they were just there eating lunch, and normally i would be checking on them to make sure they had everything they needed. i tried (sorry, i tried) to focus on talking ot bea in the hallway and let them do their thing. they'd ask if they needed me right?
other things were good too.
i knew this was not an immediate change, i guess i'm kind of being reprogrammed. it'll take a while, there's a ton of garbage in my brain to wade through.
